I’m not gonna cry, I’m not gonna cry! *I cried! I cried today because it’s just really hard to say goodbye every time to my son and to our dog, Pomeranian Kobe. And I have to do it weekly, what am I to do?! That and I’m a little bit sad for a lot of things… for the many why’s and what if’s . 2021, with its many perfect imperfections that it sent my way, it emboldened me! With just being me, myself and I on my recliner (I believe we all need a recliner as part of self care), I’ll talk about the real life drama, which shall not be named. Spoiler alert, this is not a shopping post or a travel post or a skin care post. Stay with me…
What I said last time that my bubble bursts, I read it again, it’s so showbiz. What does that even mean?! It just means that since coming to California, things haven’t been exactly going as planned… personally and professionally. About work, I’m slowly going back on track and I’m dead set on building and growing, even if I have to restart all over again! At this moment in my life, I’m extremely grateful to have the right persons in my life supporting and lifting me up. I don’t need a lot, I just need to have a person or two that will sincerely hear me out, support me and cheer me on, and maybe every so often bring me back to earth when I go off course. I’m thankful for you!
Hmmm, looking back, my writing tone, habit and even timing was pretty much influenced on my career path, both the highs and lows of it. But I don’t openly talk about what I do at work, there’s a disconnect, as I write now, I’m thinking maybe I should so there’s a better context. (Hmmmm, I’m actually not bad at work, you probably just see my selfies and OOTD posts (on IG and FB @chicsassymom , but I’m actually a time-tested (vintage-y), sales, marketing and business strategist. Connect with me out on LinkedIn, I look forward on being a part of a supportive and inclusive community of likeminded peers.) So backtrack, I left a company where I spent half of my time in California (2 years), things happened, I’ve moved on, and so life goes on. That’s actually a big deal, because immersing myself at work kept me distracted for the most part so I didn’t dwell much on what was truly going on. But there was a big problem at home and on my relationships, and it’s not going away but I’ve come to terms with it. So here we are to 2022, we shall see…the best is yet to come!
Oh hang on…I have a change of heart, I’m not just sad, I’m devastated, but the occasion calls for me to be a better and wiser adult, after speaking with my brother halfway around the world, I can be objective about things…for a moment. How different it really is when you’re not an active part of drama, when you can objectively advise, console and comfort someone. How easy it was for me to say…just don’t be sad for too long, pull yourself up, you can always restart and you only have to think of your self (and you’re not being selfish for doing so) and whatever pains you, this too shall pass!!! But honestly, easier said than done, let’s just say, anything with the affairs of the heart, not my best subject yet! Let’s save it for next post.
Rewind to November, I was in Tahoe for a company outing. On our last night there, I had the worst anxiety attack. I sincerely thought I was having a heart attack. I felt suffocated, cold and clammy. I had to calm myself, with (or lack of) presence of mind, I sent a text to my son, you’ll never know, you know. My realization for the nth time, life is short, why worry about the future, some months and some years from now. I just have to be mindful and be present. Day by day. I just need to survive now. Today, I am sad. Maybe next day, I’m in Lalaland vacationing, or next day, I want to go home to my parents in the Philippines, the next day, I want to have a business in California (I’m renting this office space, btw), etc. Please be patient with me. I shall keep this blog going. I’ll fill you in with all sorts of real life drama, shenanigans and everything in between. 2022, I believe is my best year yet! Aja!